First of all, I feel like an asshole — how was I not following you all this time?! OMG. I apologize.

Thank you for sharing this vulnerable piece. I know it is older and things might have changed by now, but I admire you for being so candid. These are things we need to speak up about.

I 100% agree with Ena on this. In my opinion, this is one of the places where monogamy fails us. We are sexual beings and therefore, we need sex. If we are in a relationship with someone who can’t meet that need (which is absolutely okay) then ideally, we could openly share our needs and alter the arrangement enough to allow for sexual needs being met outside of the relationship in a way that is comfortable for both parties.

At the very least, I wish people would just say, “Hey, I decided to pursue sex on the side. Just so you know.” BEFORE they do anything. I wish my ex had done that. It would have been hard and scary and painful but much better than finding out that he had been sleeping with someone else behind my back.

You do deserve to feel validated and attractive and loved and wanted. You deserve pleasure and cuddles and fun. I truly hope you are able to find what you need and all the better if you and your wife can come to that arrangement together.

Good luck! I’m keeping you in my thoughts.