I assure you (and I say this in compassion and solidarity) that there is a “definition of femininity” and when we don’t meet it, we are criticized. There is also a female equivalent of being emasculated. We don’t have a word for it, but it is very real. For instance, being almost 40 and having your partner leave you for a 20-year-old girl. It’s hard to describe the way that murders any part of you that felt like a woman. I don’t think the lack of having that term (“female emasculation”) for women is an indication that it isn’t an issue, but indicative of the way we ignore the female experience in this culture.

I have also had similar medical experiences and have had my body open and in stirrups and treated like a thing that nobody cared about. Humiliating and degrading.

Again, I say that all in solidarity because I think we all dealing with similar issues, regardless of gender.

What I hear from you is pain, and I want to acknowledge that and say I’m sorry for what you have experienced and that I hope our culture keeps shifting and comes to respect us as human beings, as sexual beings, etc. Whatever happened that planted feelings of inadequacy in you — you most certainly did not deserve any of that. None of us do.

Much love. xoxo