I meant that I’m tired and angry that my whole life, I’ve had to look out for potential attackers who might be approaching me as I get into my car or already hiding in my car. I was always told to hold my keys between my fingers when I leave a store so I could punch back at anyone who tried to attack me, look into my car before getting in, in case someone was hiding there, and always look over my shoulder before getting in to make sure no one was approaching from behind who might take the opportunity to carjack/rape me. Crazy.