I’m single and never been married. I always wanted to get married. It didn’t happen, despite my best efforts. I have never and will never describe myself as “involuntarily never-been-married” or even “involuntarily single.” That implies that I’m entitled to have a partner.

I’m also childless. I always wanted to experience motherhood. I already know the name of my daughter, a little girl I will never have. But I will never describe myself as “involuntarily childless.” The world doesn’t owe me the experience of motherhood. Men don’t owe me a sperm donation.

Sometimes, we don’t get what we need or want. Accepting that is part of being an adult. To claim something was “involuntary” feels to me like saying we were victimized by other people who didn’t give us what we wanted. It’s problematic.

It’s even more problematic when you consider the fact that we only use that term in relational contexts when it comes to sex. That says it all about a culture that is very invested in the expectation that a certain demographic is entitled to sexual fulfillment — and access to another person’s body cannot ethically be considered an entitlement.