Laura, I completely understand and respect your perspective. I did not intend to make it sound like I thought women were “restrictive lovers” (and I don’t think I said that) if they didn’t agree with my assertions.

For instance, I know MANY women disagree with me about the flirting. I have had a lot of conversations around that. I would never judge a woman who didn’t want her man flirting with other women. Everyone is different and every relationship is different. Boundaries are different. I would never judge or shame that.

I only mean to say that I think some of us can project the bullshit patriarchal sexual shame we’ve been saddled with onto the men in our lives…SOMEtimes. SOME women. :) And it’s just something I think we need to look at.

As for fantasies, I don’t at all equate imagination with wishing — if I did, I would not be comfortable with my partner having sex with me while fantasizing about someone else. If he’s wishing I’m someone else, that, to me, is FAR different from a fantasy and would indicate some major problems in the relationship.

My own mind goes all over the place during sex, and it doesn’t bother me if a partner’s does, as well.

But again, I 100% get your point and agree with you about presence. I just think (for myself, in my own experience) that fantasies about other people don’t necessarily take away from someone’s presence.

Thank you very much for reading and for the thoughtful comment. I love to hear other people’s perspectives! ❤