Oh, Bill, this made me laugh a little, then cry a little. It’s just beautiful to me, the way our perceptions mature over time, how we learn and grow and become better people.

What inspired the tears was when you asked “why wait,” that you would’ve taken direction, etc. I feel like so many of us come together and for one reason or another, one can’t open up about something, and the other can’t open up about something else, and like the fuzz on a dandelion’s head, it all just skitters away on the wind one day.

It was so hard for me to be able to communicate like that, even in my thirties. I could not seem to let myself release a string of requests during certain activities, even when I really, really needed to. I was afraid my partner would get mad (that had happened with another man), or feel bad about himself, or call me demanding (he sometimes did). I wish I had approached it ahead of time — before we moved into the bedroom. I wish I had said, “Are you okay with me just barking out orders right and left?” I have no idea what his response to that would’ve been…but it would have at least opened up a conversation.

And as you said, taking that leap to a new level of intimacy is so scary. Even for me — after years and years with that partner, it was sometimes harder toward the end than it had been in the beginning. There had been so much broken trust by then, and disappointments…

Humans are beautiful and heartbreaking creatures. ❤

Also, thanks for the compliment from you and James. If anything I write is both informative AND increases the sexual energy of the world, then I consider my job well done. :)