Oh god, this made me cry. Honestly, I can relate so much. My last relationship, my partner wasn't married, but he ended things a million times and I couldn't let go. I get that so much. (Which is not to make any other comparisons or imply that I know what will happen or should happen in your situation - I only mean to say I get that feeling of loving someone SO HARD who somehow isn't able to fully engage or commit.)

I'm also, again, so sorry about your grandfather and so sorry to hear that you are all dealing with this virus. Still keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping everyone has a speedy recovery so you can deal with everything else in strength.

Love and hugs. <3