Oh my god. I wish I could send you the equivalent of a donut box full of comfort. Glazed. Extra large. Minutes out of the fryer.

But since I can't, I'll tell you what I see. (I'll try to categorize this, because I know that's like catnip for your brain.)

1. Former Paul: He tried and tried and tried and the universe kept saying, "Whenever you're ready." And finally, he realized there was nowhere left to go on his path. So he walked through the mysterious door in the woods.

2. Current Paul: Millions of orbs of light, each one in ecstacy, anguish, and most importantly, pliant and formless with the utter relief of Ending. Each of these orbs, in complete surrender, is traveling along the currents of the curious winds, landing in places and on people, creating threads of inspiration and animation that Current Paul will never see or know. (Such is the way of the process.)

3. Future Paul: Rebuilt. Reforged. He's Michael, filled with the audacious, dauntless grit of choosing humanness even knowing what he knows. Knowing that life is filled with horrors like war, clowns, and terrifyingly prescient country western songs. AND fireflies, rainbows, bedtime stories, and donuts (someday soon).

Future Paul is on his way. I can tell you that for sure because he inspired me to write this. But I admit, he probably won't arrive as soon as you would like.

So keep telling those bedtime stories and giving your inner child a hug. If there's one thing we know, everything will unfold beautifully and terribly and one day, when we leave this earth, we'll be so grateful for all of it. <3