Peter Crawford I plead guilty to sometimes over-generalizing when I write. I’m making a concerted effort to take notice of that every single day and think I’m making improvements in that direction.

In my defense, though, I don’t believe that I made ANY generalizations in this piece, at all (except for stating that lots of men like morning sex). I kept this essay focused on my own experience, growing up in the cultural climate of my generation. I never said *we* were taught this stuff — I said this is what *I* learned as a Gen X-er.

Also, I shared very specific experiences here with very specific men — my former partners. There is no place in this essay in which I say or imply that all men of my generation were taught that they could do whatever they wanted to a woman — I would not even say that about the men I’ve been with. I said that they knew they owned their bodies and I did not know that I owned mine. Simple as that.

And of course this goes both ways, and every way — between two women, man to woman, woman to man, between two men, in polyamorous relationships and every other “way” it could go. I don’t think there’s any tone here that would imply otherwise. I’m not attacking men or even calling them out. I’m only sharing what it feels like to finally understand that I could have made different choices about my body in the past. I’m sharing what it feels like to have lived with the belief that I didn’t get a say in what happened to my own body for 40 goddamn years.

With all due respect (and I truly, truly mean that), you, as a man, can never truly understand that. I can confidently make the generalization that most white men in America grow up knowing they have authority over their body. That’s a privilege our culture extends to you that is not (again, in general) extended to women.

I’m not blaming you or any other man for that. You didn’t create the world that we live in.

But it’s important that I speak up about my experience — for myself and other women who have felt this way. It’s a revelation for some of us to understand that our bodies are ours and ours alone. And I am celebrating that.

Thank you for your comment and interest in this subject! It’s important that we all talk about it.