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Stop Giving Unsolicited Reproductive Advice to Childless Women
Despite what the government thinks, a woman’s uterus is her own business
I made a TikTok post last month about childlessness and immediately got a response from someone who asked why I hadn’t considered adopting. “There are so many kids in need of a good home,” she said. “Why wouldn’t you consider helping one of them?”
Not to lean on a cliché here, but if I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked — and usually by strangers — why I haven’t adopted or tried IVF yet… And you know what I’d use all my wealth to pay for? Whatever pills I’d need to keep my blood pressure in check because this question makes my blood boil.
If you don’t know why, by all means, let’s dive in. We’ll start with the basics.
Get Informed Before You Speak
There are a lot of assumptions and a lack of human dignity going around. Next time, think before you speak.
Alternative Paths to Motherhood Are Not Financially Accessible to Many
Haven’t I thought about adoption or IVF? Are you kidding me? Of course I’ve thought about every option! Do you think I just woke up yesterday and realized that I’m at the end of my fertility and damn, too bad, I missed my window? Do you really think I haven’t researched and obsessed over my options for the past decade?
(Dear god, the amount of people who think women over 40 are this stupid astounds me…)
Maybe you haven’t heard, but pursuing motherhood through these options is hella expensive. How many of you balked at that $18,000 hospital bill after the birth of your child?
Do you know how much it costs to adopt a child? Between $30,000 and $60,000. Do you know a lot of single women who can afford that without a partner who brings a second income to the table?
Pursuing an IVF option would cost between $15,000 and $30,000 for each round…and keep in mind that it is not guaranteed to work, and is less likely to succeed as one gets into their 40s. And don’t forget that we’d have to pay $18,000 for the birth of the child on top of all that.
