This is so similar to my first experience with a blow job, though mine wasn’t nearly as violent or forced. But I can palpably feel the trauma of this and relate to the feeling of not being up for swallowing much of the time. I’m so sorry you experienced this, and so sorry that so many of us didn’t have the language to call this behavior what it was. Nor did we have a culture that would have allowed us to define our experiences for ourselves. We’re only barely seeing that change today and I’m so glad to see women talking about this so we understand consent better. ❤