Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes you ARE deserving. With all due respect, FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. Listen, our culture is very sick when it comes to sex and intimacy. It’s literally positioned as a “marketplace.” This is toxic. We aren’t commodities to be traded. And defining our sexual worth through the eyes of others (for example, whether we are seen as a viable sexual prospect to others) is a losing game.
I beg you to take this in: TAKE YOUR WORTH BACK. Dare to exist outside the marketplace. Please do not let another person’s attention, love, or validation define your worth. People will always come and go into your life, and it doesn’t change that you are an inherently worthy person. This rhetoric you are repeating is propaganda of the systems of oppression in our culture. The patriarchy hurts men, too, and this is a classic demonstration of that.
In my own opinion, I’d use the term “virgin” over “incel.” I can’t speak for all women, but I’d be terrified by a man who called himself an “incel.” I wouldn’t go near that due to the kind of ideology attached to that label.
Also, you don’t have to use any label, at all. You don’t owe your future dates any information about your sexual experience. Maybe when you talk about actually having sex that would come up, but ahead of time, when you’re just dating…forget the labels. You are bigger than a label.
And I know that this is easy for me to say, but there is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A VIRGIN later in life. You are waiting for the circumstances that you want in a sexual experience. You are discerning. You are patient. Again, I say our culture is SICK when it comes to sex. This shaming that we have around virginity is bullshit. The shaming that we have around people who only had one partner or who didn’t have a lot of sex in life is bullshit. I really encourage you to take your power back. Do not let a toxic culture define who you are. YOU GET TO DO THAT. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF DEFINING YOURSELF AND YOUR WORTH.
Be proud of yourself. Be proud of who you are. Be proud that you are living a life outside a toxic status quo. That’s a GOOD THING!
Yes, I’d recommend that you didn’t use that term. I’d also recommend that you get back into a place of power. Not power over anyone, of course, but self-empowerment. I guarantee you that when you walk up to a woman feeling whole, feeling a sense of rootedness in yourself, feeling like you know who you are, having defined yourself and your values…things will start to shift for you.
And just so you know, I know plenty of women, myself included, who wouldn’t think twice about dating a virgin. We are all different and all have different sexual experiences, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.
Don’t give up. You DO deserve love, intimacy, companionship, and all of it. Fuck the sexual marketplace. Hold on to your truth. ❤
