Why Are Female Orgasms Still a Mystery?
Is a communication gap contributing to the orgasm gap?
I keep hearing about the traditional heterosexual post-intercourse conversation that apparently starts out with the male partner asking the female partner: Did you come?
I’ve heard this more and more over the years and I still find myself surprised that this is even a thing. No man has ever asked me that before. Even when I was an insanely repressed 19-year-old who tried to hide her orgasms from her partner out of shame and embarrassment, I would let him know when he beat me to climax, with the hope that he would help me out in other ways.
As I became more able to express myself in the bedroom, there was absolutely no mystery about whether or not I had an orgasm. What can I say other than that I express my pleasure — loudly.
I realize there are women who aren’t as expressive — maybe quieter and/or less physically emotive. But surely there is some kind of communication going on before the male partner orgasms to indicate where things stand for the female partner…?
I’ve said before that I think it’s good manners to let a guy know when you’re getting close to an orgasm. However…as nice as that would be, when I’m getting close, I can barely put two words together. It’s extremely rare that I can form a sentence, even one as simple as “I’m gonna come.”
And more importantly, when I shift from experiencing pleasure to announcing where I stand in the journey toward orgasm, that orgasm tends to go skittering away from me, like when you bend down to pick up a pretty pebble that caught your eye, but your clumsy foot kicks it out from under your fingers as you step forward.
So that little gem of etiquette just isn’t possible for all of us, unfortunately.
If we’re not communicating with words, then, what is the body language we are missing?
I know it’s tricky. I can’t speak for a man’s experience with arousal and orgasm, obviously, but I’m guessing it’s like climbing a mountain — you go straight up, hit the top, and come straight down. Whereas a woman’s journey to orgasm is more like trekking through a series of hills and valleys until you finally head up the Matterhorn and hope…
