Wow, M, this is incredibly nuanced - and beautifully so. I think friends mean well, but yes, they often say the wrong things. In fact, I often think girlfriends are the worst people to go to about relationship advice. For some reason, it's hard for GFs to hold the nuances you're talking about here - to be able to listen to your pain and not try to back you up by tearing down the one who hurt you - and by extension, you. I think it's honestly something that women need to examine within themselves. <3